Two sides. One tiny grievance.
The claimant complains, the defendant gets the inconvenient luxury of replying, and both answer the same structured questions. Fairness, but with considerably more theatrical furniture than the situation deserves.
Petty arguments. Needlessly grand proceedings.
KIABUSE is a comedy game that turns harmless everyday squabbles into ridiculous mock trials, complete with mock judges, objections, witnesses and shareable verdicts.
Witnesses, objections, mild drama
Each side may challenge disputed points. Witnesses should stick to what they actually saw or heard. Hearsay remains hearsay, even when delivered with the confidence of somebody explaining parking regulations.
A completely unofficial verdict
KIABUSE produces a game score, a comic ruling and a verdict card worth sending to the group chat. It is a punchline with percentages — not a finding of fact, law or moral worth.
What belongs in this imaginary court?
The sort of dispute no sensible solicitor should ever have to hear.
Who forgot the birthday? Who promised to do the washing-up and then entered a prolonged period of constitutional silence? Who still owes €10? Who cancelled twenty minutes before everyone left and now maintains that “plans were never really confirmed”?
KIABUSE turns harmless squabbles like these into a structured comedy game. Both people get heard, the app compares their answers, and the court behaves as though civilisation depends on the outcome. It does not.
Choose where standards have slipped.
Chores, mess and the baffling belief that plates eventually wash themselves.
Small repayments, shared expenses and the ancient phrase “I thought I sent it”.
Forgotten dates, promises, plans and domestic incidents of magnificent triviality.
Cancellations, rounds, snacks, favours and group-chat offences against basic decency.
Favours, chores and the binding precedent of “I did it last time”.
Coffee, communal spaces and low-stakes workplace chaos. HR need not be troubled.
Same game score, different nonsense
Choose your entirely unqualified judge.
The judge changes the delivery, not the underlying scoring. Choose formal, sarcastic, relationship-minded, family, office or savage. None has passed the Bar, sat on a bench or, to our knowledge, been asked to.
If proceedings become needlessly elaborate, Maître Pataquès can appear as the court-appointed lawyer. A friend may also play human counsel. This remains a game even if somebody starts saying “my learned friend”.
“
No legal authority. Considerable confidence.
— KIABUSE.APPYour mugshot is for the joke, not our database.
If you add a mugshot, KIABUSE processes it locally on the device for the current game and the shareable verdict card. The plugin is designed not to upload or retain those mugshots on the KIABUSE server. KIABUSE+ can keep a compact private history of judgments, but not mugshots, detailed answers, witness names or objection text.
When the joke stops, KIABUSE stops.
This game is only for harmless everyday squabbles. Do not use it for violence, threats, coercion, consent, harassment, discrimination, child safety, medical emergencies, self-harm, serious employment problems or real legal disputes. If the matter needs a professional, authority, safeguarding response or emergency help, it needs them — not a sarcastic cartoon judge.