Open a mock case
Enter the claimant and defendant, optionally add local mugshots, then pick the category and exact complaint. We are already taking this far more seriously than the argument deserves.
Eight absurdly official steps from grumble to game verdict.
KIABUSE is a party-style comedy game. The structure keeps the joke understandable; it does not make the outcome factual, legal or serious.
Choose an unqualified judge
Pick the personality that suits the room. The judge changes the jokes and tone, not the underlying game score. None of the judges is real. This is important, apparently.
Hear both sides
The claimant answers first, then the device goes to the defendant. Both answer comparable questions selected for the exact complaint. A forgotten birthday asks about the forgotten date; a disputed bill asks about the money. Even a ridiculous court should at least hear the right case.
Object, with unnecessary conviction
Each side can challenge points as false, exaggerated, missing context, irrelevant, exceptional or based on a different agreement. Objections have limited influence; shouting “OBJECTION” louder does not improve the mathematics.
Call a witness
One witness is available in the free flow. They should stick to facts directly observed, rather than something Dave heard from Claire near the kettle.
Summon legal-ish representation
Maître Pataquès looks for genuine mitigating elements already in the case. A friend can play human counsel and choose a defence strategy. Neither option turns KIABUSE into legal advice.
Receive the game verdict
KIABUSE compares the structured answers, calculates a responsibility score and selects a humorous ruling. The result is a game mechanic, not truth certified by the Crown, the Republic or anyone else.
Appeal, because apparently we are doing this
An appeal triggers a short second hearing with fresh complaint-specific questions that were not used the first time. A close ruling can be overturned; a failed appeal can leave the original sanction standing or make it worse. A final review may remove only an appeal-added aggravation.
One phone. Two versions. No barristers.
Designed for people arguing in the same room.
On a phone, KIABUSE tells you when to pass the device to the other side. On desktop, it invites the next participant to answer. Names can be typed or, on compatible browsers, spoken. Mugshots can come from the camera or photo picker and remain local to the device.
Free games do not require an account. KIABUSE+ uses a customer account for paid access and the optional private judgment history.
Fancy an entirely unnecessary hearing?
Play KIABUSE →Put a tiny argument through a ridiculous mock trial — purely for the laugh.
KIABUSE is a game, full stop. It is not a court, does not decide facts or rights, and has precisely zero legal authority.