Objections have limits
Each party gets a limited number. A supported objection can move a disputed point; a rejected one cannot. Repeating “I object” in a more expensive accent has no additional effect.
Rules underneath. Ridiculous ceremony on top.
KIABUSE uses deterministic scoring rules wrapped in theatrical language. The score is for fun; it is not a factual, moral or legal finding.
A game score, not a truth machine
The judge does not secretly invent the number.
KIABUSE assigns responsibility points to structured answers and converts the difference into a percentage around a neutral 50/50 starting point. Near ties can genuinely end at 50/50. When that happens, the case is dismissed: nobody is convicted and no sentence is imposed. The scoring rules are deterministic, so changing from a formal judge to the Savage Judge changes the jokes, not the way the answers are scored.
That percentage is simply the score produced by the answers entered into the game. It does not establish what truly happened and it certainly does not establish guilt, liability, character or legal responsibility.
Witnesses need direct knowledge
A witness should influence only facts personally observed. “My cousin heard from someone at the pub” remains hearsay, even if everybody involved is holding a perfectly respectable pint.
Lawyers mitigate, theatrically
Defence strategies can surface contribution, misunderstanding, unclear agreements or attempts to repair things. They cannot conjure a new reality simply because the speech was moving.
The appeal is a second hearing, not a free reroll.
Both sides answer a short set of fresh, complaint-specific questions that were not used in the first hearing. Those answers have limited weight: enough to overturn a genuinely close ruling when the new evidence points the other way, but not enough to make a strong first verdict evaporate on a whim.
If the same side still loses, the original sanction may simply stand or — where the fresh answers make the appeal look particularly ill-advised — an extra humorous sanction can be added. The final review may revoke only that appeal-added sanction.
Please do not quote the percentage in a real argument as evidence.
KIABUSE cannot verify events, assess credibility like a real court, diagnose a relationship or determine legal responsibility. It processes what players enter and returns an entertainment result. Think parlour game with a gavel, not forensic truth engine.
Fancy an entirely unnecessary hearing?
Play KIABUSE →Put a tiny argument through a ridiculous mock trial — purely for the laugh.
KIABUSE is a game, full stop. It is not a court, does not decide facts or rights, and has precisely zero legal authority.